Working Out

So I am on yet another one of my fitness kicks. This time I am really dedicated. I have been going to the gym every single day.....for the past two days. Today at the gym I really worked up a huge sweat doing that stair thingy, so I said let me run into the sauna for a few minutes to relax my newly found muscles before I go to work.
Now the sauna is always a little hard for me to deal with because I work out at the NY Sports Club and so does every hot Chelsea Boy in NY. What is a Chelsea Boy? A Chelsea Boy is a breed of gay most commonly found in the Chelsea area of NY. They are those guys with the perfect hair, the chiseled face and of course the perfect body, six pack and all. So basically the sauna is always draped with really hot, really muscular, really empty, but beautiful guys. However, today I say what the hay I've been working out everyday this week let's show it off. I strip down to my rolls and wrap a towel around me trying to cover the bad parts and accentuate the big, oops I mean good, part. I enter the room with nothing to hold onto except my towel, my locker key and what’s left of my pride.
I find a seat in between two boys that perfectly fit the above description. The sweat begins to trickle down my face and into my eyes, so I wipe it as best I can with sweaty hands. The sweat, now a waterfall, continues to trickle down my body and up and over my belly and hips. Yet I still have some sense of pride that I am sticking it out.
To my left sat what may have been the most beautiful guy I have ever seen...in the past five minutes. So as a lame excuse to sneak a peak at him I place my keys on the bench between us. A few minutes later I wanted to sneak another peak so I decide, let me push my keys back a little. In one swift motion I manage to wedge my keys good and tight between the bench and the wall. I thought oh my God how do I get these fucking keys out without making a scene? I cooly get up and pull the bench a bit to free the keys. After about what felt like an hour of doing this, still nothing.
Now dripping profusely with sweat I reach under the bench between Chelsea Boy legs trying to get the keys. Of course it was at this moment that my towel decided it was done and fell to my feet. Leaving my big white un-kept single ass up in the air for all to view. I let out a high pitched shriek and then grabbed my towel which led to me slipping into an almost full split. Finally I say, “haha sorry guys I'm not a freak I seemed to have gotten my keys wedged.” So a bunch of queens all get off the bench and start helping me pull at it, the bench that is. Now these were not small boys and the bench still did not budge. So as not to ruin their nails all the boys one by one gave up.
Now red as a cherrie and wet as a rag I say fuck it. I leave the sauna without my keys and head to the locker room. I stand there in my drenched towel waiting. Of course not one employee. Finally I have to pull it together and go to the door of the locker room. I peak my head out and see a guy working out near the door. “Psst pssst...can you help me?” I say while dripping wet in a towel. For some reason he looks at me weird. “Oh no, sorry I mean can you get me a worker?” He comes back with one, of course it’s a trainer. Why wouldn’t it be. I say “Yes hi I lost my key in the sauna it got stuck on the wood behind me!” I turn redder.
Now afraid of me, he goes and gets a bolt cutter. “Which lock is it?” In a sea of very manly big thick combo locks mine was the dainty little gold key lock. The muscle head trainer proceeds to clip my lock. Pulling and pushing, he is turning red in the face. I say “Do you need some help?”...and in saying that I meant should I get someone to help you. He says “Sure give it a try if you want to”. So I take the bolt cutters and with what teeny tiny bit of pride I had left I pushed that cutter like a motherfucker. Low and behold I cut the lock. He says “Wow dude are you like a locksmith or something?” I said “No, I've just been working out a lot this week”...