21 Days

This morning I was running late for the train, as usual. I pull up to the parking lot in my beaten up VW Beetle in hot pursuit of a space. Of course the only one available was about twenty miles from the platform. Whatever, beggars can’t be choosers so I take it. No matter how late I am there is always time for coffee. So I burst into the bagel store. Just let me say. I have started a new diet. So I am a little edgy. However, I read that if you do the same thing for 21 days it becomes a habit and you will not even think about it. So I am trying to only eat little amounts of healthy food for 21 days. As opposed to the huge amounts of fast food I usually eat. The article did say that when you try to not focus on something, and in my case while being a little famished, you could tend to not be able to concentrate. It said you may seem to become a bit of a scatter brain. Thank God I have not experienced that yet. I'm a scatter brain as it is. If I don't write things down I forget to do them, and you know I like the old fashioned planners filled with sticky notes and bits of torn paper. I enjoy violently crossing things out when they are done. I find it much more satisfying than pressing delete.
Where was I? Bagel store right. Well the women that work there are so funny. Every morning when I walk in its "Hey Marc, the hair came out good today!" or the occasional "Mmm you smell nice, which one is that?". They are always the first to notice when I change the color(s) of my hair or try out a new cologne. I wonder if I can color my hair before next weekend. I always know when I am having a bad hair day because they don't mention my hair, sometimes it’s a little off putting.
Anyway, so this morning I burst in the door in a hustle. "Hey Marc!" "Hey Gloria." So because of my new diet, well not really a diet. I am re-training myself! Like a little dog. God my little dog is so hard to train, just this morning he tried to pee on the bath matt...again! Only this time it was while I was standing on it. He's got some balls, well actually no he doesn't I had them cut off. He didn't even look at me for about a week, he was so disgusted. He lay on that guilt trip like a Jewish mother. Do dogs have religions? Could he be Jewish? I wonder. Do they have a separate doggie God? Do they laugh about how God backwards is Dog? Did they invent the word God?
So I am looking for something healthy, and small, to eat. Not small like a truffle or small like an egg and cheese biscuit small. God those are so good. McDonald's makes the best breakfast. No I mean small like a pea. As in princess and the pea. Like some stupid princess who spends all day brushing her hair, like Jan Brady, would be in tune enough to feel a pea below 50 mattresses. Come on now, I don't buy it for a minute. No, no, I want to make a healthy choice. Not like those frozen Healthy Choice meals. Let me just say, frozen fake food like that is not a “healthy choice”. I mean like V8 healthy. God they taste like asshole. I would know. You know this one time...never mind. I feel like someone working at V8 just finally admitted to the owner of the company, "Uh...ya know boss, this drink kinda tastes like ass. Really, you are the only one who likes drinking cold tomato soup. The rest of the world drinks it because you make them feel guilty not too." So, they came up with V8 Fusion. I think the ad actually says something like “All the benefits of V8, without the taste, all you taste is the fruit.” I could do that.
Well the bagel ladies didn't have V8 Fusion, they had V8 Splash. Is this the same thing? Is it like the starter version to ween you off of cold soup taste? Do I have to drink this for 21 days before I can drink V8 Fusion? "Marc, you only have two minutes." What is she my mother now?! "Thanks Gloria!" Hesitantly I bought the V8 Splash, Kiwi-Strawberry. That flavor always reminds me of my friend Karen. She used to drink Kiwi-Strawberry Snapple like it was going out of style. This was back in high school. Man in high school I ate like a horse and never gained weight, and I am pretty sure I had McDonald's for more than 21 days straight. So I get a yogurt to go with my V8 Splash. I figured a little substance is “a good thing.” Martha, Martha, Martha, whatever happened to her?
I am very proud of myself I made the right choices. I ignored that amazing butter croissant, that is just slightly golden around the edges and fluffy and light in the middle with just the right amount of butter dripping down your fingers as you eat it. No, I went with the healthy choice. I even skipped my coffee. I stuck to my guns and made it happen. You know this diet...well "re-training" is going very well! No side effects yet. I think I can make. Just 20 more days to go...